Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
