There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
