saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
