Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
