I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize