So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
