so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize