The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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