Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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