He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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