Well douche your snatch and let's go!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
