The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
