Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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