Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
