You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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