Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
