I accidentally burped into my bong.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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