A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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