final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
there is puke in my bra ... again
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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