Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I want to fling myself into the sun
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize