On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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