Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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