Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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