i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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