I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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