her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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