Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
