remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
