One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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