porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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