It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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