turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
