i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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