My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
