Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
