shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
