Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
