he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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