Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
