cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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