didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
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I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
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This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.