I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?