It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I will be naked everywhere
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.