he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen