we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins