A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.