so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
