I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
