Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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