good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Randomize
