The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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