dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
