you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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