She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
