fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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