White coat. Heels.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
