there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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