He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
