i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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