listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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