I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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