I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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