You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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