I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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