Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
