First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
