Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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