too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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