Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
