what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
