I think my vagina is haunted
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
